The issue of in-laws is the one which many wives wish didn't exist in marriage. The reason being it's the bane of many ailing marriages. Many daughters-in-law tend to dislike their mothers-in-law and hardly any daughters-in-law have ever had any thing good to say in regards to a mother-in-law. Many spinsters wish that they can not have one when they marry their husbands. Personal injury
Many mothers-in-law in many cases are viewed as overbearing, busybodies and a wife's greatest rival. The questions to ask are:
'Why are mothers-in-law generally understood by their daughters-in-law?' 'Are mothers-in-law truly bad?'
In many homes across the world, especially in African settings, there's usually an unending, raging conflict between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law.
There are two parties to the conflict - the wife and her husband using one hand and the mother-in-law on one other hand. To be able to provide understand the causes of the conflict, it's pertinent to measure the roles played by each party to the conflict.
The wife and her husband
Many wives, especially African wives, come right into marriage, fully prepared for battle based on pre-conceived notions that mothers-in-law are evil and should be put inside their right places. Thus they have formed an opinion of their in-laws and have concluded that the in-laws are antagonists. So, if a partner has a kind and loving mother-in-law, she'd misconstrue precisely what the mother-in-law says or does.
A wife may have an illusion that when her husband marries her, she must abandon his parents and cling to her. This illusion is dependant on a scripture that says that '' A man will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife'' ;.By their faulty interpretation of this scripture, they appear to forget that the same scripture commands that 'a person should honor his parents''
A sensible man won't abandon his parents while he married a wife. He must continue steadily to relate using them and to offer for them. However, his relationship using them shouldn't allow unnecessary interference in his affairs, especially marital affairs by his relations.
Unfortunately, in many places especially in Africa, relations do interfere in the marital affairs of a married relation and this attitude is a product of an African's cultural values specially the extended family system.
The extended family system of the Africans is a beautiful and commendable cultural system that enables a part to be his brother's keeper. However, one major defect of this technique is a member's assumed right to meddle in the marital affairs of another member.
No parent has the best to meddle in the marital affairs of a boy except the son grants them the energy to do so. Such powers, when given in many cases are abused and the mother-in-law is the chief culprit. A boy who grants rights of interference to his relations is clearly with a lack of maturity and remains in bondage to his parents i.e. tied with their apron strings. Marriage is for adults and real men. Real men are not just men by physique as some men really are. Maturity is the capability to take full responsibility for one's actions and to face one's challenges
There's a full world of difference between a healthier respect for one's parents and servitude to them. Many men do not seem to understand this difference. A boy who allows undue interference in his marital affairs is consciously or unconsciously setting the stage for a conflict especially where his wife detests and resents such interference. In this wise, the son/husband has changed into a the main problem.
Some men are emotionally attached with their parents especially their mothers and this is the loop a mother-in-law takes advantage of to trouble her daughter-in-law.
The mother-in-law
A mother-in-law really wants to be loved and accepted by her son. She really wants to be remain relevant in his life and be treated as a priority. The Mother-Son relationship is one of the most intimate but non-sexual relationships.
Mothers are usually very passionate about their sons. Some mothers who may have experienced rough and difficult marriages inside their time with probably impossible husbands usually take solace inside their children to comfort them and take care of them. They might have suffered a good deal and had borne numerous indignities to teach and bring up their children. They'd see their children as their little husbands.
Suddenly, a woman appears on the scene to remove her son's attention from her. She feels oppressed and becomes heartbroken. The mother fails to realize that when her son gets married, she now belongs to the backseat while her daughter-in-law takes the leading seat in her son's life. The mother still desires to have the full attention of her son which her daughter-in-law might find as rivalry and competition.
Which means conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a battle for the interest and control of the son/husband.
Some mothers-in-law are unnecessarily difficult and can not be pleased or satisfied by a daughter-in-law. It is sometimes out of envy especially when the mother-in-law had a tough and unhappy marriage and her daughter-in-law now has a happy and cordial relationship.
Some mothers-in-law have good intentions, genuinely interested in the welfare of their son which the daughter-in-law may misconstrue to mean poke nosing.
